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Retirement, of sorts

I’ve taken the next step- I guess it was inevitable.  I’ve left the NOJ and Ruusan, my home for so long.

The big surprise for me was that Dass came with me.  I agreed to finish his training, outside the order.  Which is interesting, balancing his training with the newfound duties of being on a farm.  I’m learning more than my fair share about barq and the processing thereof, as well as learning the ins and outs of keeping drafts out of an ancient farmhouse.  In theory we could raze the place and build up something new, but to be honest, I rather like it.  It’s old and stoney, so it kind of reminds me of my husband.  *soft laugh on the recording here*

I’ve missed my family in the NOJ greatly during this separation- it’s almost been enough to regret walking away.  However, I am more at peace, here with my husband, with the freedom to teach what I feel is most necessary and in the way I’d like to teach it, than I was on Ruusan, where I’d gotten frustrated with trying to work around Sith campsites and paperwork.  Here, life is simple, or relatively so. 

Dass’ training is almost complete, and I have to say I’m extremely proud of his progress.  He’s gaining an understanding beyond his years.  His compassion, intelligence and talent in manipulating the Force have the potential to make him one of the greatest Jedi in recent history.   I look forward to watching him grow and helping him along his path.

I hear the new freighter, the Crimson Angel, coming in to land- Enough time for recording, now is the time for doing.

Kira Vel

The world changes once more

One thing you can always count on is change.  Things always change, no matter how much you think they never will.

My padawan Dass is coming along nicely.  He’s had a few run ins with Sith, and had some issues on Onderon- apparently those Jedi are strangely susceptible to Sith mind control- but his studies are progressing.  He has a wonderful grasp on his lessons, and I love discussing each of our topics with him.  He’s become a fixture in my routine that I will miss when he is knighted. 

There are other things that have been happening.  Ruusan hosted their first lightsaber tournament, which meant an influx of new people, and a few Jedi returned home from various missions to take part and watch.  It was nice to see old familiar faces again. 

Speaking of old familiar faces… the Order has sadly lost one of our own.  Not to join the Force just yet, thankfully, but to follow another path.  My beloved, Zack Vel, has left the Council and the Order, as his path in the Force is taking him elsewhere.  It is a great loss to the order, but I am looking forward to getting him working on the farmland that we had acquired as a place to spend our retirement.  His honey-do list is about a mile long right now, so I think his retirement from the order will not leave him with unproductiveness. 

I do miss seeing him, I admit, and I will probably be travelling more so that our paths may cross more often.  I’m sure Dass will appreciate that, seeing how much he loves to travel.  I’m so proud of Dass- he’s made it to the fourth level in his padawanship.  He needs to work on a few things, still, but he really is growing and I can see the potential in him growing.  I love how he’s so eager and willing to work, even if he does tend to spend a bit too much time with twi’lek dancing girls.  Still, I’m sure I can break him of that, or that someone can, so I don’t spend time worrying about it.

Time to end this update, I have a scheduled docking with the Amaranth to attend to.

New Padawan- Dass Katarr

I’ve acquired, against my better judgement, a new padawan.  I wasn’t going to take one for awhile longer, not after Wolf left the order, Mal fell to the Dark side, and Brenna found a path that suited her a bit better.  Still, I came across him in the cantina one evening, and was intrigued.  He’s a Miralukan, which makes a few things a bit more complicated as they were created for those with normal humanoid sight, but it’s been interesting so far. 

He has a particular grasp on the Force and on some main points that we’ve been going over. Dass has a bit of a head start, as he grew up with his parents who were in Agricorps, plus the Miralukan trait of using the Force to make up for their lack of “normal” sight.  I have to say, it’s been interesting.  I’m trying to coordinate a meeting between Sarena, Master Vel the Furry’s padawan, and Dass, as I think the way they both utilize the Force to make up for a sense that they are missing is fascinating. 

He’s giving his first lecture soon, I think he’ll do wonderfully.  We’re booked on a shuttle for our first mission together, and I’ve already warned him of my button-pushing proclivities.  It should all go well.

I’m looking forward to our continued partnership.  We work very well together, although I think our individual quirks may end up getting us in more trouble than if I had a more traditional learner.  Not that I’ve ever had trouble finding trouble before.  *grins*

A New Ruusan

The terraforming on Ruusan has begun- it’s beginning to look liveable again.  Not like the Ruusan that had been my beloved home, but at least someplace that wasn’t going to be completely toxic to everything.  With the vong technology that I don’t quite understand, it’s actually becoming green.  The mushrooms taller than I am are still a bit unnerving, however.

Zack landed his new.. latest? ship planetside when we flew down there with one of our new hopefuls, Rellex.  Rellex and I explored a bit, finding a strange entryway into the mountain, but we were distracted by Master Zoffa’s appearance.  I took them both back to the camp site that Zack had erected and we sat and ate with them, taking part in a rousing conversation with the padawan Aruetti about burning out vs. just getting burnt.  I don’t believe he understood what we were trying to tell him, but he will, eventually. 

I’ve been spending as much time as I possibly can honing my skills, both hand to hand as well as with my saber.  I’m hoping to put my studies to good use soon, when my new saber is completed.  The hand to hand is coming along very well, I look forward to learning more and more.  Plus I have a cheeky husband who needs taking down a notch… with as much as he’s won our sparring matches, it just gives me more drive to improve.

Between spars I’ve been spending time reading the Council library.  I consider this serious business, being given this chance by the Council, and so I’m doing everything I can to help to make the order successful.

Love Recovered

My husband has returned! He’s been quiet the past few days, not doing much but sleeping, meditating, and eating.  He’s come back injured, but he seems to be recovering at least a bit.  I’m trying not to push him, just being there with him as much as I can, trying to believe that it’s not some dream, that he is back home with me. 

He apparently found his parents home, but beyond that I don’t know what happened.  When he feels more rested and healed I plan on getting him to tell me the story.   Part of me was so angry that he’s been gone with no word… the rest of me is just relieved.  I didn’t realize just how big a part of me he was until he wasn’t. 

I have a lot to catch him up on, I expect it to take awhile, but I’ll be glad to take all the time he wants.

signed,

A very relieved and happy Kira Vel

To Rishi- getting closure.

The trip to Rishi got postponed for a few days as my shuttle suffered from problems and a slight engine fire that I may or may not have caused by a slight crash.  ArrSeven and I got out alright, though, and I got it repaired better than new.  Supplies packed, contingency items packed.  I chose not to take anyone else with me, in order to minimize the risk exposure for my fellow jedi.  I already knew that this would be the hardest mission I’ve ever taken on.

The actual trip felt as though it lasted far longer than normal.  I kept it on autopilot for most of it, spending my time in meditation and trying to prepare myself for whatever it was I might find.   I recited the code over and over in my head, trying to keep my focus instead of giving in to the fear threatening to overwhelm me.  Everytime I closed my eyes I could see him, hear his voice, although his words were unclear.  I slept very badly, with strange nightmares of corpses with saber burns and unidentifiable flashes of pain and anger running through them.  During one very bad one there was laughter that made my blood run cold. 

Finally I stepped foot on the planet of my husband’s birth.  It’d always been a mystery since Zack refused to speak about it, and now it always would be, to me.  The realization of just how many things about him would always be hidden from me hit me like a ton of bricks and in that moment I lost my balance.  I’m not sure how long I knelt there, hands touching the rich soil, my mind filled with thoughts of my lost love.   Eventually I got up and went back into the shuttle, grabbing my pack in short order and headed into the jungle, focusing on any sort of imprint I could feel from Zack.

I made my way through the undergrowth, picking through briars and hacking through vines, keeping my distance from the local wildlife that I could feel watching me.  I honed in to something that felt like a beacon, something that seemed to pulse with Zack’s energy, and followed that direction.  Slowly the trees and growth started thinning and the terrain started getting a bit rockier.  I kept a steady pace, keeping focused on my mission at hand, pushing the growing fear and anger back, which was no easy task.  I indulged myself by imagining his voice talking me through the journey, laughing semi-kindly when I tripped over a vine, and grumbling at me when I took a break.  When my imagination yelled, “Fierfek woman, you’ll be the death of me!” during an unfortunate incident with some of the local large toothed creatures, I had to laugh. Then I had to cry.  Then I moved on.

When I finally came into his base camp my heart lept into my throat.  For a moment I was relieved- it was completely untouched and peaceful.  I called for him hopefully, but of course, no answer.  I went into the shelter and examined his com system.  It was still working, despite his worries that the conditions of the planet would ruin it.    Not wanting to let my mind work over this, I focused on finding whatever it was that I had used as a beacon to find the basecamp.  I closed my eyes, letting the force wash through me.  When I opened my eyes I looked to a small table nearby.  On it were a few small metallic parts and one bright white crystal.  The crystal was what had drawn me here.  I picked it up, holding it in my palm.  Seeing it, having it solid in my hand, I knew that he would never, ever leave this special crystal from his  favorite saber unattended.

 Unable to help myself, unable to really believe what I felt,  I called out telepathically, as far as I could.  I drew on the Force, using it to call for him, to somehow feel him and our bond once more.  The emptiness that answered me was too much and it overwhelmed me.  In anguish I channelled the Force, desperate to somehow find him, but it was no use.  I lost my control, objects from the campsite sailed around me as I cried out.  The anger continued to rise as I fully realized that there was no answer to get, that he wasn’t coming back. I felt the power of the Force pulse out in waves from me, but only vaguely heard the cracking tree trunks, was only slightly aware of the branches and clumps of dirt flying and falling.  It was too much and I must have fainted.

When i awoke I was face down in what looked like the remains of a huge natural disaster.  Trees were uprooted, the shelter was gone.  The campsite was completely destroyed.  I tried to push my hair away from my eyes only to discover I had somehow gotten wounded, because there was tacky blood on my hand.  When I examined myself I was a mess… My clothes were in tatters, snagged and torn by whatever had flown by.  I had cuts on my arms and face, but the only big injury was my head, where I believe a bit of the comm hardware had hit me.

Still, held tight in my hand, I had his crystal.  I picked up my pack again, this time certain.  I still don’t know what happened exactly to him, but I can’t feel his presence even here, on the planet he was supposed to be on.  It’s time to go home, and accept that he really has become one with the Force.   The crystal will  be put to good use, and I will always remember him.

May the Force be with you, Master Vel.

Lost.

I wish I had found more time before now to record our time… Unfortunately, since I was named headmaster for the Academy I’ve been so busy with the fine details of that job that I haven’t kept up on my journal.  But now is the time.  Right now it feels as thought it’s all I’ve got.

He’s gone. My beloved has become one with the Force.

I say that as a good Jedi, holding tight to my beliefs, as he would want me to.  Outside I’ve been taking it as well as I’m expected to- carrying on with my duties, helping Hopefuls and Padawans, looking into new ways of approaching the lessons to benefit those we teach.

On the inside though, it’s a different story.  The tight reign I keep on myself is painful, but mandatory.  When I finally let myself relax it’s as if my entire being were screaming in agony.  When I bonded with Zack, I felt it, he was my other half.  He was my balance and my love.  Now that he’s gone I’m lost, distracted, pained.  I wake up every night a hundred times, haunted by nightmares.  I hear his voice in my head, and it taunts me, reminding me that I’ll never be by his side ever again.

I’ve started to wonder if it’s all worth it.  Helping people, teaching, doing what I can to follow this peace that we claim to cherish.  I’ve got no peace.  I’ve got no hope.  I’ve got nothing, now.  Everything I’ve done, everything I’ve accomplished is like nothing now.

I’m going to Rishi, to find out about my husband.  What happened to his family, what happened to him.  I let him stay a mystery to me, and now he’s gone and unless I go it will go unknown forever.  He doesn’t deserve that sort of silence.  I will find what went on, and I will get justice for him, if  at all possible, no matter what.  I will avenge my beloved.  He deserves that much.

I’ll leave as soon as day breaks.  Until then, I’ll pack what I can.  Time to use the skills he taught me.  I can give him that honour, at least.

I miss you, my husband.

A long journey

I’m sitting here, at my desk, in the museum, recording this. 

Just that thought is sort of amazing. 

I was called into the Council Chambers to talk to Master Kali and Master Lenny tonight.  She said she was shocked at my behavior.

Let’s start at the beginning?

I came to Ruusan… I was lost, unsure, and a little bit scared.  My first day I only remember being shown around this beautiful place, and meeting Master Vel.  That didn’t go well… I remember him being a man of few words, and those few being pried from him.  It wasn’t until later that I learned he was only quiet to those who didn’t know him.

I agreed to become the then Lady Eds’ padawan, and we started out auspiciously enough.  My first two levels went by quickly, with me trying to learn as much as I could… and learning what would become the bane of my existence- grounding. 

Padawan III saw me grounded for much of it, not allowed to go anywhere unless my Master made an exception.  Padawan IV was much the same, with me falling into trouble time and time again, being confused over behavior regarding the sith, with who I was supposed to emulate, with just about everything.  I remember almost walking away from it all, sitting for hours with tears streaming down my face.  I remember thinking that I was never going to survive to Knighthood.

And then somehow, I made it.  Something clicked, and it was like a light went off… I understood what I needed to do.  I did all the exploring I had dreamed about when I was a Padawan, often dragging the now non-reticent Master Vel with me.  We had grown to be friends during my time as a learner, even with the many, many… many punishments he handed my way.   I was named one of the curators of the museum, and much of my attention started focusing there.  My own Padawan, Wolf, made it to knight, which was my proudest day thus far.  I married the now never ever quiet Master Vel, which was my happiest day thus far.  Life continued.  I struggled, I felt like I wasn’t doing enough for the order.

Time passed, and NOJ encountered hardships.  We lost a lot of good Jedi Knights, Masters, and Padawans from our group, but they’ve luckily found their peace.  I stepped in where I could, doing what I was asked to, and was honoured to become a Master… Master Kira Vel. 

Last night I was called into the Council Chambers.  I walked out as a proud Headmaster of the Academy.

It’s been a long journey for someone who thought they wouldn’t make it through their Padawanship. But I’m lucky to have such a family and home.

Anyone know how to clone?

There goes another hand. Zack left for… somewhere… and my mood took a turn for a worse. I’ve begun to plan the mission I was a bit afraid to tell him about. Then I had a little trip up. Darth Crucio showed up at the museum. We fought… and this time I proved to be more of a match for him. My meditating and practice has been paying off, thankfully. He left me a present, of a bomb in a case. I attempted to disarm it, and failed. Now I’ve got to find a replacement hand for my replacement hand. Just peachy. On the good side, my padawan, Skah, is doing well. I’d prefer it if he’d teach his tauntaun, Licky, to NOT snot in my hair, but I recognize that we can’t have everything. I’m waiting to see how he does on his first homework. I’ve begun my practice using my left hand as my sparring hand. It’s not like I have a choice, having no right hand at the moment. It was hurting quite a bit, but this.. tree.. creature visited me in the hospital, and well, for lack of a better term, “spored” on me.. it’s made me heal much faster, and I feel a lot better, much more refreshed and my pains have disappeared. I call him “Myth” since I”m not sure what he is. A very nice and polite tree, though, to be sure.

Another Master Vel

Master Kira Vel.

My husband, Master Zack Vel did the ceremony.  Standing up on stage in attendance were Masters Kali, Lenny, Valen, Musashi, Xerigo, Ana and Brihan.

I wish my Master could’ve seen this.

It’s still sinking in. *smiles*

 My dear husband misled me at first, so that I thought I was there to give a speech unprepared.  He was going to die.

It’s hard to kill someone when you’re too busy being shocked and happy because he’s giving you your Master Vows.  He’ll live for now. *smiles fondly*

I’m so honoured.